I Say Possible

La Tigra Gothic
La Tigra Gothic

I want to be a believer. I used to be. I was one of those people that said things like, “everything happens for a reason ,” “there are no coincidences we create our own reality”. But what I learned after moving to Mexico was that it’s much easier to believe such things when life falls into place, for the most part.

But when things fall apart…for years , well, one wonders how there can be reason behind cruelty and deceit , illness, poverty and suffering. Perhaps I was naive to assume that everything happening for a reason meant a “good” reason.

Still, I have an eternally optimistic side, I cultivate a cache of hope —that there is meaning—that life is not a random series of insignificant events.

Sometimes life rewards my tenacity.

Several months ago, I set out for the U.S. in search of a few months of work. I hoped to make enough to publish my book, buy Felipe a chainsaw, and make some much needed repairs to the house. Though I had very nice visit with my mother, and landed my first paid writing gig, I didn’t make any money. Still, because of my battered but prevailing belief system, I felt it was as it should be.

I came home and like a good citizen, I set my resolutions for the New Year: publish my book, finally learn to speak Spanish well, and keep the house from crumbling to rubble. I had no idea how I’d achieve these objectives. I’ve been in Mexico nine years and still have the annoying habit of saying, “en el pasado”, or “en la futura”, rather than learning the eight gazillion verb tenses of Espanol. I couldn’t imagine what might finally cajole me out of my laziness. The other goals required money I didn’t foresee making, and I had a debt to pay and a ticket to the U.S. the buy before May.

Then I received a message from an old friend.

“What would you think about coming down to Nicaragua to do some service and wine training with my staff?”

I replied, “Possible.”

The job is not exactly what I imagined doing in the U.S.  It’s MUCH better. Better money, in a fabulous location doing the most fun restaurant job there is. Obviously, I’ll be required to upgrade my Spanish, and there will be money embark on our projects.

Of course all this amazingness reminded me of a poem.  It is how I feel now.


By Dean Young

How could I not?
Have seen a man walk up to a piano
and both survive.
Have turned the exterminator away.
Seen lipstick on a wine glass not shatter the wine.
Seen rainbows in puddles.
Been recognized by stray dogs.
I believe reality is approximately 65% if.
All rivers are full of sky.
Waterfalls are in the mind.
We all come from slime.
Even alpacas.
I believe we’re surrounded by crystals.
Not just Alexander Vvedensky.
Maybe dysentery, maybe a guard’s bullet did him in.
I believe there are many kingdoms left.
The Declaration of Independence was written with a feather.
A single gem has throbbed in my chest my whole life
even though
even though this is my second heart.
Because the first failed,
such was its opportunity.
Was cut out in pieces and incinerated.
I asked.
And so was denied the chance to regard my own heart
in a jar.
Strange tangled imp.
Wee sleekit in red brambles.
You know what it feels like to hold
a burning piece of paper, maybe even
trying to read it as the flames get close
to your fingers until all you’re holding
is a curl of ash by its white ear tip
yet the words still hover in the air?
That’s how I feel now.

13 thoughts on “I Say Possible

  1. Best of luck on your next adventure! I use to think I knew what hardship was, but then I moved to Thailand and saw living as a true struggle. The most rewarding part was seeing the spirit of the people who had nothing, but made the best of life. I also went there determind to learn the language. I can now speak or at least make myself understood and it’s so great to see the smiles I bring out with my attempts.

    • I have to imagine Thai is significantly more difficult to learn than Spanish, good for you! I’ll think of you the next time I’m grumbling about verb tenses 🙂
      It’s definitely worth it just to try, even when I do things like think I’m asking for blood sausage and am actually referring to a sexual act : ) That always gets a laugh. I swear it sounds exactly the same!

      • I understand. The good news is Thai has no tenses, but it’s a phrase language, so when I think I’m saying one thing it means something completely different. I wish I could speak more than a few phrases in Spanish

  2. So cool to hear the details about Nicaragua! I was wondering, but I try not to pry into my blogger friends’ personal lives…unless they want to reveal. This sounds like such a positive step for you, honey, and I wish you the best of luck. You’ll rock it out!

    • Well, feel free to pry in the future, I was just holding off until everything was set. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in Mexico, it’s that things don’t always work out as I plan 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement Britt.

  3. Hey, looking forward to reading about this new chapter Abby. And you’ve made me feel better about my Spanish – at least I only had a year or two at school not to master it 🙂

    • Happy to be of service Roy 🙂 I will say I have been pleasantly surprised by my language skills. Perhaps your abilities would surprise you too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s