I just found this post in my drafts as I was trying to figure out what to publish today. I wrote it on December 22nd, 2021.  I can’t say I have conquered fear yet, but, it does feel good to see there has been some progress.  My website will be done soon. I’ll be sharing the link with you next week!  It has helped so much to have a supportive audience here. Thank you for reading, liking, commenting, and following. xo, Paz, A

Conquering Fear

I’ve done a lot of scary shit in my life.  I’ve uprooted my life, twice, to live in developing nations, traveled thousands of miles with only coins in my pocket, started a butchery and cheese making business never having butchered or made cheese, sang acapella in the middle of a busy dining room to land a singing waiter job(I had never waited tables or sang publicly) battled a pissed off mama pig who didn’t understand I was trying to save her piglets, gentled an abused horse who’s defense mechanism was to grab the bit and run me under trees at full speed…and many more truly terrifying things; I have willing done. I don’t even count the really scary stuff I didn’t consciously choose.

But what I am doing now may be the most frightening yet: I am changing careers at 55 years of age. It’s technology top-heavy, and I am not a techy.

Every day I sit at my computer with a task, and each task, once I figure out how to do it (this could take several days) comes with many more tasks I had no idea existed. Often, I don’t even understand the language it’s presented in, only that if it is not accomplished, I will be stalled, and left without an income. And so, I tackle the next and the next.

Each time I complete one of these mindboggling problems I try to feel celebratory. I learned something new; I am that much farther on my road to being an entrepreneur! But it’s not how I feel. I feel inadequate, what if the next one is insurmountable?

None of this even counts for the actual business of being a writer, which is what I will be doing. And though I do know how to write, the business of being a writer is new to me and there are a million people, it looks like from their flawless websites, that know this market a damn site(pun intended) better than I do.

Where is the woman that fought off the dogs to save a pig, then fought off the pig to save its life?

Who was I when I got on a plane to start a new project in high-end hospitality with 500 pesos and no decent shoes?

I need her now.

I feel like a fraud and a lazy one at that.

How many motivational videos can I watch and call it work as my bank account dwindles?

So, I must go with what I know.

There is no way around; There is only through.

You feel afraid and you do it anyway.

Put in the time and you will succeed, it may not be what you set out to accomplish, all that matters is that you don’t give up. Failure at one thing often leads to something better.

This is no different than any of the other challenges I’ve leaped into.

Did I mention that I’ve bungee jumped?

What have you conquered that scared you?