Yellow, #7, Air

Yellow #7 Air

I’d rather be a spiral than a snail.
Paul Simon

There are many human systems
used to dismantle the mysteries
define, categorize,
justify discrepancies.
We are guided by planets
related by genes, summed up with
numerology, spirited away by
transcendentalists, the I Ching can
read our bones, primary
perception is color,
an element, a season.

Thumbtacks on a map, I am
Yellow, #7 , Air
lean more toward runes
than the I Ching, ruled by
Venus undermined by Mars
Epona my patron diety
Jesus my dirty secret, I have
seen angels, never aliens

I don’t believe in ghosts, but
only because I don’t believe
in death. Autumn
is my season- finally

something makes sense!
But these depths I can not

with all these elegant
solutions holding us
In orbit: the networks
of climate, semiotics and
loss, long gone
feats of stars, the gravity
of extinct galaxies

Why do we still crumple
when love is gone?

How do we do not combust
with joy for ever
having existed ?

Hour of Power

I can see myself as a child of four, kneeling before the glow of a large, faux cherrywood, console television. My hands are held before me in prayer and I have tears running down my cheeks, I am alone in the room. I remember being drawn to that spot, into that position, by an ardent baritone.

I can see the others who joined me that night in accepting Jesus Christ into my heart as my personal savior, filing down the aisles of an enormous sanctuary. I can feel the electric sensation I had, a sensation I believed was the Holy Spirit entering my body. My memory transports me to that place on the floor, where I felt united with hundreds of supplicants, as Billy Graham’s tender assurances washed over us. I was saved. I was forgiven. I was a child of God, and I would always be.

The image of my child self, rapt in front of a television, and the knowledge that this was the first significant spiritual moment of my life, is bizarre and sentimental to me as an adult. Even more curious is the anxiety I developed over the household debate about the validity of the once saved always saved doctrine. Continue reading